If you, (like my good buddy Jayesh and I) are Princess Bride fans, you know that my headline is a quote from the amazing Inigo Montoya. But that’s how I usually begin my final post about a trip.

This trip was a good one. Before we went, everyone told us it was “the trip of a lifetime,” or “the best trip we ever took.” To be totally honest, it is one of the best trips, but not THE best. It does make the top five, but it’s not number one. For me, that spot is still held by our voyage to the Galapagos on Celebrity’s Flora. Let me explain. But not before I give you my favorite African Sunset photo to break up all the text.

The things we loved

The lodging was amazing in its own way. We have never stayed in such wonderful accommodations. Starting with the only one we booked ourselves (The Radisson Red on our first night in Cape Town) to the incredible game lodges at Tintswalo. All of them were great. Two of them had rooms larger than my first apartment (The Cape Grace in Cape Town and the Fairlawn Boutique Hotel and Spa in Johannesburg). The Victoria Falls hotel was just too colonial for me. Too much of a reminder of the way the European/Western world has exploited much of Africa and continues to do so monetarily today. And eating cold food because they have no indoor restaurant is just wrong.

The lodges at Tintswalo Safari Lodge may have been bigger than my first house. But I found them dark and way too isolated. Our room onboard the Zambezi Queen was fine. A little small, but just fine. And they need either doors that lock from the outside or larger safes, along with new and higher furniture in the common areas. When you have to struggle to get out of a couch, that couch needs to go ?.

One more thing about the lodging. It is drop-dead the finest in South Africa. If you visit the websites for the Cape Grace, Victoria Falls Hotel, Fairlawn, or Tintswalo, you will find that all charge around $1200 per night for a room similar to the one we had. To be honest, the best bed I slept on the entire trip was at the Radisson Red in Cape Town. Certainly, the service at the other hotels was amazing, but we also loved the service at the Red and would have been just fine staying there at $165 per night. However, if you want the best lodging in Southern Africa, this is the trip for you.

The food was fine with some amazing standouts. The Spiced Eggs I had for breakfast three days in a row at the Cape Grace in Cape Town were easily one of my favorite dishes ever. Our dinner at Marble in Johannesburg was delicious and a great dining experience. We are glad Beverleigh talked us into keeping our reservation. A few of the dishes at Tintswalo were so good I begged for the recipes, and happily, I have all four that I loved.

This trip included some once-in-a-lifetime experiences. My favorite things we did included our helicopter ride over Victoria Falls (I was too busy being amazed to worry about being in a helicopter). Our morning game drives at Tintswalo (all but one of the evening drives were a bust) and the excellent lectures we heard. The one on the boat in the Zambezi River about Dr. Livingston was especially enjoyable. The ongoing discussion of the historical significance of the mining industry in Johannesburg remains thought-provoking. Our day in the wine country with Gen was incredibly informative in many ways, not just about wine but also about South Africa.

But my drop-dead favorite experience of the entire trip was my solo (with only Gibson driving the boat) “birdwatching” trip on the Chobe River at the crack of dawn. As a photographer, that one was special. Here’s my favorite photo from that day.

I got some great photos. A significant part of why I travel is for the photography. It always makes me happy on a trip when I get great photos that I can come back and be proud of, but Southern Africa does have its photographic challenges.

I would guess that if you asked our wonderful fellow travelers who finished the trip with us at Tintswalo what their favorite segment of the trip was, they would say it was our three days at Tintswalo. For me, that was maybe my third favorite place.

It took me a few days at home working on photos to figure out why. As I compiled my 100 favorite photos from the entire trip (for the record, I took more than 8,000 pictures), I noticed something. The area around Kruger Park and Tintswalo that we visited for those three days was monotone. Everything was brown. Everything blended together.

It didn’t help that throughout our entire stay at Tintswalo, I felt rushed. Part of that feeling is due to my expectations. I thought there would be more free time. Knowing what I know now, I would have skipped all the evening game drives except the first one. Perhaps this is related to how jaded I became about the animals by the end of the trip. I am not sure how many elephants and hippos we saw, but it must have been in the thousands, especially if you include Cape buffalo. And don’t even think about counting the impalas ?.

The one major thing we didn’t like

There is a reason we probably would not do this trip again. And this is just me. I am sure that the others were fine with it, but for us, this trip is not something we would do over. Airports and airplanes are our least favorite part of travel. It would not be an exaggeration for me to say that they are the one part of traveling that I despise. And on this trip, to see everything, you have to spend a lot of time in airports and on airplanes. When I was out for my walk with Keeley (our dog) yesterday, I suddenly realized that was the problem (for us) with this trip. So when I got home, I added up our time in airports and on planes to make this trip happen. Not counting the time it took to travel to and from the airports, we spent 75.5 hours either waiting in an airport for a flight, on the flight, getting through passport control and customs after a flight or clearing it before one. That’s hell. If I had added it up before we booked the trip, we might not have gone. You don’t realize that you can easily lose entire days at airports and on flights.

Please don’t misunderstand me, we had a great time, but when I realized how much time we spent centered on flying, it blew me away. Just under one-fourth of the entire trip was spent getting to and flying on airplanes. Sadly, I don’t know how else we could have seen everything we did in that short amount of time, but until they invent the Star Trek transporter, I don’t plan on doing another trip like that ?.

As many of you know, Kathleen and I have cruised extensively. We have always said that one of the best parts of cruising is the fact that you only have to unpack once, and your hotel moves you around for a week. While that may have been true on the Chobe River, we never really unpacked anywhere. Which also tells you that we are not the type of travelers who like living out of a suitcase. And dragging two medium-sized suitcases, one carry-on, my backpack with camera and laptop, as well as Kathleen’s backpack, was not fun. I am always envious of people like our new friends, AJ and Diane, who can pack everything they need for an 18-day vacation into two large carry-ons. One pair of my shoes would fill that backpack. And this vacation was all about layering. We needed clothes for hot weather and clothes for cold weather. And there was no real laundry service or opportunity until we got to Tintswalo. Plus, in a few places (like Johannesburg), we couldn’t send any out because we weren’t there long enough for it to come back before we left.

This vacation was just too much moving from point A to point B. We loved all points A, B, C, D and E, but getting there was no fun.

The absolute best thing about the entire trip

Hands down, it was the proud people of Southern Africa. I don’t think we met a single person who lived there who wasn’t trying to be the best they could be, even though they may have been living through horrible circumstances. The service was hands down the best we have ever received in all our travels, and all were supplied with smiles and cheerful voices.

And the openness was amazing. The willingness to discuss their countries, how they felt about what was going on in their country and the world. They had opinions both good and bad, but they expressed them with calmness and thought. They answered my tough questions and made me want to know more about the region and their country. To see the faces of our Namibian crew on the Zambezi Queen singing their national anthem for us brought a tear to my eye. But hearing from a South African that their government still has some ugly remnants of apartheid made me mad as hell. And seeing the poverty of Soweto and the wealth of natural resources, leaving the country to make a profit for those outside of it, left me seething. But as my new friend AJ told me (a very wise man), this is a generational thing that won’t change overnight. But it does need to change.

People that stood out and were amazing included the incredible Delia (this trip could not happen without her), the wine expert Gen, who gave me a five-hour education and contributed to my knowledge of her country, my birdwatching buddy Gibson, who amazed me with his knowledge of the birds, animals and fauna of the Chobe river. And he speaks 11 languages and loves his work—you can tell. Bernard, who runs the Zambezi Queen, is a great leader and so proud of his country, Namibia. Our driver (it pains me that I did not find out his name) at the Fairlawns, who had frank discussions with us on our drives. Beverleigh, who shared her perspective on her country and its foibles during one of the best dinner discussions I have had during our travels. Every single person we met at the Kliptown Youth Program in Soweto, but especially Thando Bezana. Their spirit is indomitable. They are succeeding where others have failed. They truly make a difference. Perhaps they are the beginning of that generational change that AJ discussed.

And speaking of AJ, we met and traveled with some really great folks. We missed our new friends Lorraine, Betty and Dennis at Tintswalo when they took the train as their end-of-trip excursion. Our final 12 at Tintswalo were the heart and soul of our group. AJ and Diane (who we hope to see again in the Bay Area). They did a great job of tempering my enthusiasm with their well-thought-out views. I always gravitate to people like that because they are what I need to slow me down and get me to think. The two Marinas were a total hoot. M-1 was always fun and M-2 just totally cracked us up. Riding in the back of the safari truck with her made the afternoon game drive a bunch more fun. Vicky, David, Sonnet and Fred were great people to be around, and just listening to Nancy‘s tales and Rich’s stories of cooking for her still brings a smile to my face. Look in the dictionary under “picky eater” if you want to see what Nancy looks like ?.

That about does it. We had a great time, we wish we had flown less and been able to spend more time seeing things, but Delia made it possible for us to get through airports without wanting to jump off a cliff. Thanks for coming along. Watch this space in October when the October Bunch does Portland and a Columbia River cruise.

I want to leave you with a photo that kind of sums up the end of things. I saved it for just this spot. It’s the end. Enjoy.

The only man I envy is the man who has not yet been to Africa – for he has so much to look forward to. – Richard Mullin