As Inigo Montoya said, “Let me sum up.”

by Jim Bellomo | Oct 21, 2025 | Uncategorized

If you have read the post before this one, you know that we had to bail out of the last two days of our American Cruise Line cruise up the Columbia River due to Kathleen’s cold and the aftereffects from my March/April radiation treatment for prostate cancer. After numerous tests, a CAT scan, and an ultrasound, the doctors said, “Your bladder is mad at you.” Seriously, that’s what they said. It appears I have something called “radiation cystitis.” Which I guess must translate to, “Your bladder is mad at you.”

However, my woes do not mean you don’t deserve a summary of this cruise and our thoughts on it and American Cruise Lines. As I mentioned in my first post after we boarded, they had exceeded my expectations. And while they continued to do that in many ways, they also let me down a little. Things were just uneven. But let’s start at the very beginning.

Getting there

We have been to Portland many times, and it’s a great city and NOT A WAR ZONE! We rented a van from Enterprise Car Rental here in Redmond to get there and to use for excursions in and around the Rose City. We also rented one in The Dalles and in Lewiston, Idaho, to get home. I must say that the Redmond pickup of the van we rented was by far the best car rental experience of my life. Superb service and a car that was ready to go. The same can be said about The Dalles and, to some extent, the Lewiston franchise…but not completely. They did not have the van I reserved, but they did have a car for us that I did not reserve, so that we could drive home when we got sick. But the next day, when my brother and the rest of the group went to pick up the van I had reserved, all they had for them was a pickup truck. Seriously? It was a good thing we had gone home the day before.

In all three places, I reserved a van. The largest one they had that they would let me rent one-way. And even though it said it would fit six people with seven bags, I did not take into account that all six of those people would be in our age bracket. That means that the far back seat of a seven-passenger minivan is not the easiest for the post-70s crowd with bad hips, knees and other parts to get into and out of. Keep that in mind for future car rentals. Not sure what else we could have done. No one will rent a larger van one-way. Once they have those, they want to keep them local.

Portland

Four members of our party had not been to Portland before, so Kathleen and I, who had been to Portland before, tried to arrange a bunch of stuff for them to do. On the good side, we had some amazing food, as my waistline is a testament to. From the opening pizza dinner at APizzaScholls to the final dinner at Deschutes Brewery, it was all good. And that included the food tour we took in Portland with Secret Food Tours. The best thing I ate on this trip was a toss-up between the ceviche and the steak dish with fries that my buddies called “Asian Poutine.” Or maybe it would be the amazing breakfast (Bourguignon Brunch. It has…tender beef braised in red wine ancho chili sauce, served over a piquant hash of butternut squash, bacon, leek, Provence potato, green pepper, harissa, and jalapeño. Topped with an egg and Horseradish Crème) we had at LeProvence.

If I could change anything about the Portland part of the trip, it would be skipping the coast. Tillamook was nice, but Cannon Beach was a complete disappointment, with what used to be a quaint little town transformed into a tourist mecca, overrun with far too many people buying far too many things. I would NOT go back there again. Sad.

The hotel we stayed at (Embassy Suites by Hilton, Portland Airport) was your typical airport/business meeting hotel (I stayed there once for a Jostens meeting back in the 90s), and the only reason we stayed there was that American Cruise Lines (ACL) was using it for the one night they were paying pre-cruise. We didn’t want to change hotels. ACL should consider a more downtown hotel so people could enjoy the city more.

The Ship

We were really pleasantly surprised by the ship. You can view my photos of our stateroom and the public rooms by clicking here. In retrospect, Kathleen and I both thought it was a really nice-sized room and bathroom, with lots of storage (we had empty drawers) and a great location on the 4th floor, a quick walk to both the Sky Lounge (breakfast, snacks and a back deck to take pictures from) and the River Lounge (entertainment and info talks).

Speaking of info and entertainment talks, we loved that all of them were televised on Channel 28 in our stateroom. This worked out great when our respective ailments prevented us from going down the hall to see them.

Our stateroom had a nice verandah, but one thing I didn’t appreciate was the fake grass on the verandah floor. Not because it was fake, but because after the rain, it took a lot longer to dry off than a bare deck would have, and I got very wet socks going out to take photos. Just a little quibble.

The ship did have a laundry, which we appreciated. There was just one for the entire ship (three washers, three dryers) on deck two. We washed clothes on our first day on board, having been in Portland for almost a week. Kathleen really did not like the Tide Pods they provided in the laundry. Not only are they bad for the environment, but we still can’t eliminate the smell from our clothes. We are highly sensitive to smells, and she thinks this may have contributed to her coughing and sneezing. Again, another small quibble. We would have used our own detergent, but they requested that we use theirs.

One other thing I thought while walking our dog Keeley today. Was this entire cruise a good value? I believe it was. Even though it was twice as expensive as an ocean cruise of the same number of days, it was completely all-inclusive. OK, if you wanted some of the non-included shore excursions, you had to pay for them, but that’s expected, and there were usually at least one, if not two or three, free/included excursions to go on. You didn’t have to pay a cent. And gratuities and WiFi were both included as well.

When we got off, I didn’t get a bill for extras. Actually, I didn’t get a bill at all. Everything was included. There were no upgraded wines, no top-shelf liquors you had to pay for. In fact, it was even better than that. On the first night at cocktail hour, I asked our favorite bartender if he could make me a Negroni, my favorite cocktail. He said, “Sorry, I don’t have any Campari.” But he said, “Come back tomorrow and ask me.” Sure enough, when I came back the next day, he had Campari. He had ensured that someone had obtained a bottle when we stopped the next morning. That’s personalized service.

For what we ate, drank, and did, the cruise was a decent value. Would we sail with them again if we wanted a river cruise in North America? Yes. I can say I have no qualms about sailing with them or recommending them to someone.

Service and the crew

One of the things we knew would be different from our previous cruises was that the entire crew would be from the USA. We are not used to that. Is it a bad thing? Not really, but you could tell the difference. For instance, on a cruise ship with non-US crew members, if I passed a crew member in the hall and said, “Good morning,” I would get a response, but not on Harmony. Most of the time, I was ignored. Another time, I tried to get the attention of four crew members behind the breakfast bar in the Sky Lounge. I kept asking to see if there were more bagels for the lox. Not a single one of them would acknowledge me or look me in the eye. I finally stood somewhere where one of them had to ask me to move to get out from behind the bar. That gave me the chance to ask my question.

Another thing that ACL needs is attention to systems—the way things get done on board. It seemed they were always running out of stuff. Or cleaning rooms at odd hours. Nothing ever seemed to be done the same way as the day before. One of their VPs should take a cruise on a Viking river ship in Europe and observe how everything is totally predictable from the guest’s perspective. For instance, it appears that there is no communication between the kitchen and servers regarding when items will be served or how much of each item is needed. Or that one day you ordered something one way and the next day that way had been changed.

I think that one of the reasons this happened is that there were a lot of new crew being trained…which we found strange since they only had two more cruises until the end of the Columbia River season. It’s an unusual time to be both losing and gaining employees.

All in all, the crew managed to get by. The service from most was adequate, and from some of them it was exceptional. We had a superb bartender in the Sky Lounge, and one of the highlights of our entire cruise was our dining room waiter, Bradford. We were lucky enough to sit at his table on our first night, and he was so awesome that we would take jackets or sweatshirts down to throw over our chairs to hold the table. It should be noted that there were still plenty of places to sit; we weren’t keeping people out of the dining room. We are not the proverbial chair hogs.

American Cruise Lines is emerging as a major force in river cruising. They are now all over the USA. They need to work on systems and training. Maybe hire someone from the Disney parks to teach the crew how to smile and acknowledge people.

One other thing I found personally disconcerting (not really ?). The entire crew (including the captain and hotel manager) was young enough to be our kids, in many cases, our grandkids ?. The senior management team was all very good at their jobs (except maybe training new crew members), but they were sooooooo young. Which brings me to…

Fellow passengers

When we first started cruising, it was widely known that Holland America (HAL) was referred to as the “old folks cruiseline.” HAL has been working hard to change that image over the years and has made some progress. However, American Cruise Line (at least on this particular cruise) appears to have taken the lead as the preferred choice for elderly passengers. Yes, I know I am 72, but we all guessed that the average age of the people on board was between 78 and 82.

One of the things we loved about the dining room on Harmony was all the space between the tables. You could actually get around without bumping into people. Kathleen came up with the idea that perhaps there was sufficient space between tables to accommodate all the walkers and wheelchairs on board. I have to agree with her on this one.

Please don’t get me wrong. It’s not a bad thing that the majority of their clientele was older than us. But it did affect the service because, in many cases, it would take a server quite a while to understand an order or to answer a question. And it really slowed down many excursions. However, if you are in that age bracket, consider getting on an ACL cruise. You will feel right at home. It did lead to some funny observations. Like one night in the dining room when we noticed that six couples had split up and that the six men were eating at one table, talking guy stuff, and the six ladies were sitting at another table, talking (I assume) girl stuff. Not wrong, just never seen that before. I should also add that most of the cruisers on board were from the South and the Midwest. Not sure why, but we met very few from the West or East coasts.

The Food

Doesn’t it always come down to the food? And the best words I can use to describe our food experience onboard are…hit and miss. When they got it right, they hit it out of the park. When they didn’t, it was a total miss. I don’t think I had much that I was just ho-hum about. It was either amazing or amazingly bad.

Some examples:

• The first night, there was a berry cobbler that was one of the best desserts I have ever had.
• One night, one of the first courses was a gumbo. Not just any gumbo, but the best gumbo I have ever eaten. Even my buddy Mike, who has grown up and lived in the South for most of his life, was blown away. We both had two bowls.
• The very next morning, we decided to try the dining room for breakfast. Kathleen’s was fine, but I ordered the “special,” which you would have thought would be done exactly right. Instead, it was cold and tasteless.
• Another night, we ordered what had been on the menu as a Cioppino, but it was just a collection of different fish on a plate with a tiny bit of tomato sauce underneath. Just weird. Didn’t taste that great either. Cathy sent hers back.
• A pork chop that could knock your socks off. Had an apple glaze and was perfectly cooked.

I don’t think I had a single thing that was just OK. It was either bad or good. Really good or really bad. Luckily, it was a lot more good than bad…but still inconsistent, and there is never an excuse for cold food or bad coffee (the dining room coffee was horrid, and the Sky Lounge coffee was superb.

Some interesting food things to know:

• You ordered your lunch and dinner every morning on their web app. You would pop it up, and the entire menu would be there for you to select. You could change your mind once you get to the dining room, or you could skip it altogether and not order, but still come down and eat. It was interesting to do it that way. The illustrations are two screenshots from the web app. I do need to mention that it is a web app, not an app, which means that one morning, when their WiFi went down, there was no app.

  

  The front page of the web app.

  

  The rest of the front page.

  

  Screen 1 of the page to order your dinner.

  
  

  

  Screen 2 of the page to order your dinner.

  
  
• They did have a “food discussion” on the first day to cover allergies. I thought it was pretty great. Luckily, we have only two, and they are easily avoided.
• You can have as many of anything that you want. Just tell your waiter you want another bowl of gumbo or another cobbler with ice cream (not on the menu, but we added it to every dessert that we thought should have it).
• They fed you constantly. In the Sky Lounge, there are racks of snacks, as well as lemonade and iced tea, and fresh cookies are available twice a day in both lounges. Before dinner, they set out cheese, crackers, and other snacks, and then passed around some appetizers. Any time between 11:00 am and 4:30 pm, you can always get chips, salsa and guacamole…ANYTIME!

I took a bunch of food pics and I haven’t shared them yet. They are all iPhone pics. And the gumbo pic is Mike’s. You can look at them anyway you want to. Even on your phone ?.

All in all, this was a good cruise. I find myself comparing it to our last cruise, and I shouldn’t because that was on the Chobe River in Southern Africa and was one of those trip-of-a-lifetime experiences. This was a cruise up a river we had crossed and driven up many times. The Columbia River is beautiful in its own way, especially as it transitions from the forests and trees of the west side of the state to the brush and browns of the east side, which are still beautiful in their own right. We hope you enjoyed following along. I am so sorry that I didn’t get to review the last day of the cruise, which was supposed to be a visit to Washington’s wine country in Walla Walla. That’s the way it goes.

Lastly, I want to mention that since one of my absolute best friends, Mike Preisman, was along on this trip, he will have a full review available on his website in about three to four weeks. I will come back and let you know when it is online. Mike takes pics of all the menus, the food and so much more. His review is about the cruise while mine tends to be about photography. Additionally, he will have information on the last day in Hell’s Canyon (which we missed) and Walla Walla. You can find his website by clicking here. He has reviews of cruises and land trips dating back to 1999 and is always traveling, so new content emerges frequently.

The most destructive criticism is indifference. – E.W. Howe